


When My Thoughts Wander

by emiliewrites



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Don't Judge Me, Fluff, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Pillow Talk, Sharing a Bed, This is really just so random, Thoughtful!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emiliewrites/pseuds/emiliewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In those rare moments when its quiet, Harry’s mind finds a thought and sticks to it. He thinks and explores the thought, trying to know as much about it as he can. In rare moments like this, when everyone is quiet, Harry doesn’t need to fill the silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When My Thoughts Wander

**Author's Note:**

> So this is partly based off of the part in This Is Us where Harry is talking about hating the word famous, and partly based off of [this](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/24/why-harry-styles-hates-the-word-famous_n_3810779.html) interview where Harry begins to explain himself and Niall goes "Here we go," like he's heard it a million times. Like all Harry does when he's got the time to is just mull over thoughts, going deep and sometimes just needing to rant. Like he's worried about this one word so often that Niall could recite why he doesn't like it word for word. It just gave me this mental image and than this happened.

Harry can’t help but let his mind wander when its quiet like this. Its so rarely quiet around him that when it is its like his thoughts kick into overdrive. He thinks about everything and anything he couldn’t get in when he’s being rushed about. When its loud, when they’re making their way through a sea of screaming fans, or even just hanging out before a show, everyone making sure they know what they should be doing, its hard to think. He’ll start on one thought but than someone is asking him a question, or pulling him to rehearsals, or into an interview. Its distracting, a mess of thoughts. His mind flipping through a million things at once. Every thought interrupted and right before he can get back to it, replaced with something new.

But in those rare moments when its quiet, Harry’s mind finds a thought and sticks to it. He thinks and explores the thought, trying to know as much about it as he can. In rare moments like this, when everyone is quiet, Harry doesn’t need to fill the silence. 

Louis is lying in the bunk above Harry’s. Harry knows he’s still awake because he can hear him tapping his fingers on the bed. Louis doesn’t like to stay still, and Harry can tell that Louis is having trouble falling asleep because every few minutes he shifts, rolling over, stirring. It doesn’t distract Harry from his thoughts though. It did the first night they slept on the bus. Harry spent all of his thinking time thinking about Louis and how Louis was having trouble falling asleep. He’d spent the night picturing Lou trying to stay quiet because he knew how tired the boys were-- staying quiet was not something that Louis accomplished easily and Harry had been impressed. He pictured him lying flat on his back, his arms awkwardly by his sides like he couldn’t decide a comfortable place to put them. His right hand-- Harry knows that its his right because he’s seen Louis doing it when he’s got to stay seated for to long, in an interview or while his hair is being styled-- tapping at the mattress fast. _Tap tap tap tap tap... Tap tap tap tap tap..._ Waiting for sleep that seems impossible. 

But tonight even Louis’ tapping can’t distract Harry from his thoughts. 

Harry knows the other boys are still awake as well. Well... probably not Zayn. Because Zayn can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but Niall definitely. He knows because only a moment ago Niall got up and got himself a glass of water. He does that every night. He can’t sleep without one. He never drinks the whole thing, and he never seems to remember to get it before he crawls into bed, but he has to have it there. Rested just beside his bunk. Harry knows this because every night while he’s thinking Niall gets up and stumbles off to get one and Harry asked him about it once. Niall said he’s always needed to have a glass of water near him while he’s sleeping. His mum used to make sure he had one when he was a kid and not having one makes him feel much to homesick. Harry understands that. Sometimes when he’s thinking he thinks of home and that’s a thought that sticks. 

Liam is never fully asleep. Not that he doesn’t sleep, Harry knows he does, but he’s such a light sleeper that just one of the boys getting up-- other than Niall when he’s getting his water, since Liam knows too that Niall always forgets to get it before he crawls into bed-- will wake him. And Liam will roll over and open his eyes. He’ll groggily make sure you’re alright because when one of the boys gets up in the middle of the night, Liam worries. To be fair, Liam worries about a lot of things, Harry knows. He’s always taking care of them, he is. They don’t call him Daddy Directioner for nothing. Before Liam knew that Niall needed to get up every night to get a glass of water, Liam used to ask if he was alright and _every_ night, Niall would say, “Yeah, just forgot my water,” and Liam would nod and fall right off back to sleep. He used to try and remind Niall before bed but Niall would always just say, _“Yeah, in a second,”_ and than forget anyway so now Liam doesn’t. Harry thinks its probably best that Liam can fall asleep so quickly after he wakes up. At least they’re not robbing him of too much sleep.

And because Harry knows that all of the boys-- well not Zayn, because Zayn can fall asleep at the drop of a hat-- are still awake, and because this particular thought that has filled up his mind tonight needs to be shared, he licks at his lips and says, “I don’t think I like the word famous.” 

Harry hears Louis take a breath, a happy breath, like he’s glad he doesn’t have to be _awfully_ quiet anymore before he says “ _Famous._ ” He doesn’t say it because Harry’s just said he doesn’t like it. He’s not teasing. He’s testing the word out for himself. He’s never thought about whether he likes it or dislikes it before and has to say it out loud to himself before he can figure it out. 

Just as Harry thought he would, Liam rolls over and groggily opens his eyes, looking down over the edge of his bed across the isle down to Harry’s bunk. “Why’s that, mate?” He asks, and even though he’s tired, it seems like he really wants to know. Like he knows this must be an important thought of Harry’s because Harry usually doesn’t want to talk when he’s thinking. Niall has rolled over too, and is looking at Harry curiously, like he wants to know as well so Harry purses his lips.

“I think that labeling someone like that...” He pauses for a moment, his tongue resting on the back of his teeth, “...it dehumanizes them. Its almost like that one word can take away every other aspect of your being. Like it defines you.” He says.

While he talks, Harry hears Lou sit up and than lean over the side of the bed, looking down at Harry, completely upside down, his hair hanging off his head. He doesn’t say anything though, which Harry thinks is odd seeing as Lou usually has something to say, he just looks. So Harry continues. “When people say a person is famous its like they’re taking away something from them... like maybe when all of this has stopped and people look back all they’re going to remember about me was that I was famous... but people are so much more than that.” He feels his eyebrows knit together, really starting to worry now.

Liam nods like all of this makes a lot of sense to him but he doesn’t say anything either. Harry’s starting to worry that what he’s saying isn’t making any sense. “I mean, being famous... it hasn’t really got anything to do with who a person is at all... and to think that thats all you’ll be remembered for...” and than Harry’s got another thought, “and it won’t even just be that they’re remembered for their fame... people will only remember you like... he _was_ famous. Like the one label you’ve been given, the one that takes over everything else will be taken away and than you’ll just be... the guy that _was_ famous.” 

Louis takes another breath, this time Harry is sure he’s going to say something but when he lets it out, silence falls over the room again. Harry fidgets awkwardly not knowing what else to say. 

_“Fa-mous.”_ Louis says again, this time dividing the word up and pronouncing everything, holding the s at the end and letting it fade off, almost like he’s trying to be a snake. He pauses again, but for less time before nodding his head-- which looks a little funny upside down, Harry thinks-- “I think you’re right, Haz.” He says.

“Harry.” Liam says, and Harry can hear in his voice that Liam is about to choose his words very carefully. “I agree with you about the word,” he says and Harry can’t help but feel a little better that at least they don’t think he’s talking crazy. “But if you’re worried people aren’t going to remember you...” He smiles and shakes his head, “not a chance, mate.” 

Niall-- who Harry had almost forgotten was listening-- speaks up than too. “I think we’ve done alright,” he says, “We’ve done things the way we want right from the get go,” he says, and Liam makes a sound like he agrees. 

“Yeah, not only that, but there are people who know who you are, more than just that you’re famous, and those people aren’t going to forget any time soon, Haz,” Liam says. 

Harry feels a little better and he nods. “Don’t you guys ever worry about things like that?” He asks, sure he couldn’t be the only one who finds his thoughts wandering away from him. Turning into things that he can’t control and start to consume him.

“Everyday, mate.” Lou says and that surprises Harry because he’d never imagined Lou worried about _anything_. He looks up and even though he’s still upside down, Lou looks so serious. Harry looks over at Liam who looks like he’s still trying to think of an answer. 

“I don’t think I’m ever not worried.” Liam says finally.

Niall sits up than, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, “C’mon, than.” He says and Harry looks over at him confused. Lou pulls himself up so fast Harry is worried he’ll hit his head-- and apparently Liam is worried too because his hands reach out like he’s shielding him from it, but Lou’s head doesn’t hit anything and Liam relaxes his arms, moving to climb down off his bunk. Harry sits up because everyone else seems to be getting up, but he’s not _quite_ sure what they’re doing. 

Niall pulls him up so that he’s standing and prods him over to the ladder that leads up to Zayn’s bunk. Harry looks at him confused, and seeing where Niall wants Harry to go, Liam starts to protest-- “No, let him sleep, Niall.” 

Niall waves him off. “He sleeps like a rock, Liam, you know that.” And than he prods Harry forward again, so Harry shrugs and climbs up to Zayn’s bunk, turning and looking for further direction. “Just crawl in, Haz,” Lou says, who seems to understand. And Harry nods and climbs into Zayn’s bed, being careful not to be too quick because he doesn’t want to wake him up.

Louis follows up after and than Liam-- who protests again before finally giving in, and lastly Niall. They all cram into the small bunk space, practically lying on top of each other, and Zayn grumbles something but moves over to make room. Once they’re all settled-- which Harry wouldn’t have thought possible in such a small bed but actually is very comfortable-- he closes his eyes, snuggled up in between Lou and Zayn. 

“No one is gonna think you were _just_ famous, Haz.” Louis says, and Harry nods.

“Night lads,” Liam says, “try and get some sleep, yeah? We do have things to do tomorrow.” And than they’re is some more shuffling as Niall climbs back out of the bunk and retrieves his glass of water from below, bringing it up with him and sliding it in between the bed frame and the mattress to hold it upright. He squirms back into his spot, snuggling up. 

“Goodnight,” Harry says, just as his eyelids get heavy.

Right as he starts to drift off, Harry notices that Lou’s not tapping on anything-- in fact, he’s already asleep-- he can tell because of the steady breathing. Finally comfortable enough not to feel antsy. Harry understands. In this moment he feels like he’ll never be forgotten because he’s at _least_ got four boys with him who he’d do anything for.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment letting me know what you think, its my first time writing a fic so I'm curious. <3


End file.
